Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Fellini's Part Trois

Prologue: This story is true and I have changed the names to protect the near dead and myself. It is one of those stories that you really had to be there, but I will lay it down just in case.


We had just finished up a MA class on a Thursday night. Several colleagues and I decided to grab a quick meal at the local McD. You know the one. It’s right down from  Fellini’s proper. I was present as was K. C had also decided to make the journey with his family. S ordered and then I ordered from the value meal (of course). Next up was the C family. The wife of C was doing the ordering for the whole family, but she does not have the usual eastern Tennessee accent.


To start off with the clerk had already been on the verge of being rude to K and myself. But being the diplomat of the group I shrugged it off as the usual angst of making $5.15 an hour and dealing with hordes of hottentots and kids. When it came time for the C family to order the clerk went into overdrive with a sneering attitude. Words were exchanged about his feelings of the day and then we st down to eat. The food sucked. Let’s face it, it always does and still we go back.


Fifteen minutes into our meal the clerk came to our table and was standing behind C. He started to make some apology and explained that he had a very rough day (blah blah blahyada yada yada). He asked C to accept his apology.


Over his shoulder and cooler than any Kenmore freezer C says “I accept your apology, but I’m still thinking about killing you.”  This is where it helps to have been there. My anus tightened up to 1.6 microns. I could have created an artificial singularity. If I had farted at the time, the sound would have killed dolphins. You must understand C was serious. I’m sure a quarter would have decided that man’s fate. Let’s look at the facts


  1. Clerk insulted C’s wife
  2. C Carries more than one gun
  3. C doesn’t need one
  4. C can be wery wery scary.
  5. C was serious.


All in all it turned out okay. The man stood there for at least 7 seconds before slinking back to the rear of the restaurant. Nothing else was ever said about it. He’s still alive to my knowledge.


I was eventually able to loosen my sphincter two weeks later before I died of peritonitis .


Epilogue: Don’t fuck with C


Signing Out







1 comment:

  1. If I wasn't there that night (hypothetically of course) I probably would not believe this story.

    As it stands - I can say it is true and that guy is lucky that a Happy Meal (still in the box) was not his last...