Everytime I have an email with you it goes horribly awry. Eeee chihuaha! I will word things as carefully as possible to avoid a beat down. :) Unfortunately I will have to name names now.
This definitely was not directed at anyone more than myself. The conversations about checking up on the boys was between myself, Jason, Jamie and Les. The derogatory comment about Tamara was offhand and flippant (name withheld on this one, it was not you for sure). However it did remind me of how little I have done to honor what I said I would do. And I intended to remind my Clan (not the cave bear type) that they too made some promises in the heat of emotion.
The original post was definitely not for consumption by students of Inayan Eskrima or Fierce Tiger. Not that I mind them reading it. My blog has a general viewing audience and is usually intended as a morality check for myself and a few others. I need it more than most.
This post was not aimed at you especially. Although I do know that you read my post often and thank you for the honor. The bond between you and Paul and therefore Tamara et al. is stronger than any other and also therefore more complicated. And also I would not begin to think that I understand what your life has been like in the last 6 months.
I apologize to you, Masirib Klement. I hope that you forward this to any interested but will leave that up to you.
The Snarky One
On 12/10/05, Steve Klement <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
(a response to Patrick regarding his latest blog post ---- see
I think your wrong on this. Perhaps you took a bigger interest in one
part of a conversation than another or, as is probably the case, the
conversation never expanded as far as it needed to with me or whoever
it was that you spoke with. For the last few months I have had some
very heavy things on my mind and this is one of them.
I am replying here direct to you not knowing for sure if your
speaking of a conversation you and I had or if it was possibly one of
my students. In either case I feel responsible for your reaction so I
felt I must expand on things. Everyone that knew Paul certainly has
their own emotional feelings regarding him and this topic and I am
not trying to put words in their mouths but I will try to explain my
position and possibly those that are close to me.
The last two conversations I had with Tamara were this simple... I
told her I will give Paul's kids the biggest gift I have to give
anytime she was willing to bring them (for free - forever). At that
time she agreed and "said" she thought that is exactly what they
needed and that it was a good idea for the boys to get in touch with
this part of their Father. She relayed to me they were going on
vacation and they would start training when they returned. I called
once while they were on vacation in California and spoke with her and
the kids and they seemed to be doing great.
By the time she did return I had started in the Academy. I do not
want to go into detail the actual hell I endured just trying to
survive the Academy while at the same time mourning Paul. Just
understand I had a difficult time to say the least. Anyway, during
the Academy Tamara called and left me a sort of nasty and if nothing
else a very negative voice mail. Not sure why but at that time I had
and still yet have no energy to dedicate to anything negative so I
have purposely avoided that or any other conflict - as of yet. I
simply have no energy for it yet and am barely capable of functioning
in the wake of this whole mess.
So to sum it up I wanted you to know that I have not turned my back
on the kids - I am always here to give them any part of their Father
or me that I can. I simply (at this time) cannot mobilize the
strength to do what is necessary to reach them as there seems to be
such an unnecessary and negative obstacle in between them and I (and
therefore the rest of my Family).
Furthermore, I have not asked or instructed any of my Family to avoid
or ignore the kids - ever. However, they (my students) are very
sensitive to me at times and perhaps they have adopted their own
ideas as to how they should feel based on my actions etc. Actually
the last official statement made in class was to announce that I was
pleased that the kids would be joining us in training after they
returned from vacation. This was after Tamara had brought them out to
the school and discussed matters of the kids, training and their
future at length.
So if this negative response to you was from me or one of my Students
I am sorry that is was not more clear. I do not hate Tamara. If
anything, I feel sorry for her. Whatever conflict that she feels may
be between us and her is (as you point out) of little importance
compared to the very important needs of the kids. The negative
response was probably due to a total state of exhaustion.
At your request I (for one), will pass on your message/question/
proclamation to others that do not read your blog with my response
here so that anyone else with the wrong idea will hopefully gain some
clarity. I sincerely hope I have done that for you and anyone else
that might have the wrong idea. Believe me when I say I have lost
much sleep and some sanity in the last months due to this situation
and we are (though it may not seem so) trying to take the high road.
I still look forward to teaching the kids the only real thing I know.
Perhaps one day I will have the opportunity. It would be unfortunate
to have to wait until they are men and can make the decision on their
own but we will be here with open arms for them always.
Mabuhay ang Inayan Eskrima!
Inayan Masirib Guro
Inayan School of Eskrima
(From Patrick Christians Blog - http://snarky_one.blogspot.com/ )
4:55 PM - Remembrance
This has bothered me for a few weeks now, so I'll get it off of my
I asked someone how Paul's boys were doing and got a negative
response as to why they don't know. From what I see and hear it is a
consensus viewpoint too. Some of our anger towards Tamara has limited
and paralyzed us into not checking up on the boys like we said we would.
Who is more important? Paul? Marcellus and Nate? or hatred of Tamara?
You tell me if I'm wrong.
What happened between Tamara and Paul was part of their relationship
and not ours. It is not acceptance to say that these things happen;
It is the truth and many couples go through this. Unfortunately, Paul
made his decision and we all have to live through it. It should teach
us these things...
Live today, for today and tomorrow.
Learn from our mistakes and move on.
Forgive us our transgressions, we'll make more.
A bond cannot be broken through death or departure.
A promise should not be made lightly in the heat of emotion.
Shame on you and shame on me. Shame
Please pass this on to someone who is involved but doesn't read my blog.