Saturday, February 28, 2009

Boys vs. Girls


So, I mentioned this article to L this morning along with the comment that finally there is a judge with some common sense. The article is about a 33 yr old female teacher having sex with a 15-16 yr old boy. The judge suspended the 2 year sentence against the woman because he could not decide that any harm was done.

We are having a girl soon (beginning of Apr) so the battle of the sexes is a place of contention for us. In some ways it is the fact that I am a pragmatist and in others it’s because I’m a little old fashioned. Her quip was “would it have been different if it was a girl and a male teacher?” Yes, it would have. It would have been very different.

Whether or not the assumed difference between boys and girls sexually is real or made up by society, it is there. I’m sorry, but it is. Hate me. Sex is a penetrative act. Sure, sure, you make love to your partner 100% of the time. There is nothing penetrative about the experience that you share exactly evenly with your partner. There is no dominance or submission. It’s beautiful and cherry blossoms fall upon your bed as it happens. In slo-mo, no doubt.

Sorry, I drifted off there for a minute. Where was I? Penetration. It’s there and males will try to dominate since they are usually the penetrators, hell they will try to dominate even if they aren’t. I hate to say this but it really has a great deal to do with upper body strength and a hunters attitude. I assure you that while we have come a long way baby in the last 50 or so years, it hasn’t even begun to erase the thousands of years of genetics and training.

I’m not saying anything about the equality of men and women or boys and girls. I’m just saying that we live in a physical world and the physical has to be accounted for. I’m not saying anything about the intent of the elder person, I’m sure male or female they are looking for a sexual connection. However, I am sure (from being a guy) that a larger part of it has to do with dominance, conquest and destruction of something pure when it comes to the elder being a male. I said that as easily as I could.

I wish it was no different. I do. One day I think it will be, but for now I will keep my shotgun close and my eye open when it comes to my daughter. As for the boy? I hope he gets laid real soon.




  1. Anonymous13/3/09 14:24

    Sorry P,
    I have to disagree with you.
    That teacher was in a position of power, and she abused it. She abused that boy even though he is too stupid to realize it. She should have gone to prison.

    What if she had HIV? Herpes? Genital Warts? Or some other STD that sticks with you for life? I doubt they used a condom.What if she had gotten knocked up? That student would have been paying for that the rest of his life. Or, let me rephrase, his PARENTS probably would have had to pay child support to the teacher.

    If that was my son, the bitch would have already gone down "pardon the pun".


  2. Those are big "whatif"s that didn't happen. No room for no harm no foul? What if they were on a deserted island for six months? Would that make it okay?
    I'm not saying that it's right, but I won't agree that it's wrong. This is just an arbitrary line drawn by society. That's how it is different in some places. This kid may not have been a kid, he may not have been a precious snowflake. He might be a man in a 15 year old body.

  3. Anonymous13/3/09 14:55

    But, those are all "What if's" that we have to consider.

    Was the boy tested for STD's? Sometimes those nasty little bugs dont show up for years.

    My main issue is that this grown, adult woman abused her power. There are many 14 yr old girls that have been sexually active with tons of guys and they may not be precious little snowflakes. However, if a 30-something male teacher nailed one of them he would STILL get prison time.

    They may be grown women in a young body but it doesn't change the fact that a male teacher would have had the book thrown at him.

    Plus, I have to wonder the mental state of any grown woman who wants a boy. At that age, most boys don't even know what to do with their penis, all they care about is sticking it SOMEWHERE.

    I can't see this as "no harm no foul" because if this woman would shag a 15yr old boy, what is to stop her from doing the same thing to an 11yr old?

    As for the deserted island part, well, then should would be even more stupid to bang this kid because if she became, there wouldn't be any pain meds. I would imagine that giving birth on sand would be painful.


  4. Anonymous13/3/09 15:08

    I meant to say that "she" would be even more stupid......not "should would". lol.

  5. I brought up the whatifs because they don't really count. What was the real harm? His self esteem? maybe if he was a girl he would have had his self image damaged by having sex with an older person, but a boy doesn't. He's the cock of the to speak. STD's? He had sex with a school teacher that has maybe been with 1-2 other people in her whole life. He wasn't harmed. He doesn't think so and the judge agreed.
    You tell me how he was actually harmed. The whatif's don't count. Should we take away your drivers license because you might run over a kitten?

  6. Anonymous13/3/09 15:28

    this "teacher" (in my opinion) has ruined this kids dating life. How is a 15/16 yr old girl going to measure up? To me, she has mentally f*ed up this kid. That is how I think she has harmed him.

    Plus, I doubt that she left him with a healthy respect of a female superior.

    Teachers today are very different, I doubt that any woman with scruples who has only been ( one or two guys) would suddenly decide to stalk a 15yr old boy.

    Chances are, she is some old whore who has been around the block so many times that she wanted something new. Women have changed. We have now joined the predator ranks...and I think that SHE wanted to try and to destroy something pure.

    Women aren't any longer these docile creatures that sit around on the sidelines, just look at the Girls Gone Wild videos. Chances are those college girls started those activities when they were in middle school. We live in a day and age where "anything goes" and, in most cases I agree that it should be that way when it comes to someones personal life.

    My motto is this--I don't care what someone does in their bedroom, as long as children and animals are NOT involved.

    I may run over a kitten one day, but, the difference is, if that ever happens it will not under any circumstances be intentional.

    What this woman did ( if you can call her that) was with intent.

    Not all judges are suited for their positions.

  7. Anonymous13/3/09 15:30

    I also have this one question for you.

    Would you feel the same if this 15yr old boy was confused about being gay or straight, and instead of a female teacher it was a 30-something MALE teacher who he had gotten his freak on with?


  8. So you think her intent was to harm this boy? I doubt it.
    You assumption is that sex will harm. Almost all western living civilizations think that way. What if sex is not harmful or shameful? Some american indian tribes actually had an elder whose job was to teach younger people about sex, by doing.
    How would a 15/16 year old girl measure up? How is that a point? It doesn't show any harm to him. His viewpoint of "superior" hasn't harmed him either.
    Show me the harm. He got laid and enjoyed it.

  9. another what if. Waiting to see the actual harm...

  10. Anonymous13/3/09 15:42

    you are talking to someone who has celebrated Beltane more than once. I don't think that sex is harmful IF it is with an equal partner.

    It doesn't matter about what native americans did a 100yrs ago. Besides, I am sure that is every young persons dream--to get laid by someone who has saggy boobs or saggy nads. Bleah. I am sure there was more than one young person who didn't want to go through with the act.

    A 15yr old girl who is not experienced could not measure up to what this 30yr old has done to this boy. He was harmed. He is just too ignorant to realize it.

    I am sure he enjoyed it....there are people who also enjoy meth but that doesn't mean it is good for them. If he had been a legal adult, then no biggie. But, he was not.

    He is also not old enough or mature enough to handle any possible complications. I don't think that two teens of the same age should engage in any sexual activity until they are at least 18 to where their parents are not legally obliated to them anymore.

  11. Anonymous13/3/09 15:43

    What is a "what if"? The male teacher part? That isn't a what if.
    I am just curious of how you would react if the story had included a male teacher instead of a female.

  12. "I don't think that two teens of the same age should engage in any sexual activity until they are at least 18 to where their parents are not legally obliated to them anymore." Wow! Just wow! That might be the most puritanical thing you ever said.
    The fact that kids have been fucking since the beginning of time proves that he is old enough to deal with it. What he might not be old enough to deal with is how other people "such as yourself" judge his actions that caused no one harm.
    If the teacher had been male I would feel differently. Because it would be different. I am all for judging a case as it comes. I don't really believe in preventative laws that much anyway. Laissez faire as they say.

  13. Anonymous13/3/09 16:00

    Thing are different now. It is not puritanical, it is responsibility. Because, if an underage girl gets knocked up, who has to deal with it? The parents. Or, we, the taxpayers who shell money into welfare. I, am personally tired of paying for another persons mistakes. So, yes, in that situation I will judge. I work hard to support myself, I can't afford to support someone else.

    We don't live in the caveman days anymore where you were a man at 13 and knew how to catch a rabbit with your teeth. Parents ( or society) has to bear the burden when a underage girl gets pregnant.

    If we didn't have preventative laws, our society would become even more barbaric than it already is. The only thing that keeps most people in line are the laws that we do have. Even then, the laws don't always work.

    In the end, I think this boy was harmed in some fashion. I don't see how it would be any worse if it was a male teacher. Abuse of power is abuse of power.

    Well, I am leaving work. TTYS.

  14. I will call it puritanical again. 1) Every study from any reputable organization has proven that teens get more STD's and conceive when they are taught abstinence (like waiting until a certain age) than they do if they are taught safe sex. Safe sex education can reduce unwanted pregnancies up to 80%. 2) You probably only spent $1.20 in taxes on unwanted babies and welfare for said unwanted babies vs. the thousands spent on military.
    If the boy came on to her it is abuse of power? He has nothing to say for this at all? He can drive a 4,000lb vehicle at 70 miles an hour but is to stupid to say yes/no to sex?
    Here's where I see the problem. The harm to most of these kids comes from our feelings of shame about sex and the stigmas that we place on it and the viewpoint that these people are damaged goods if they have sex too early...or worse yet a slut.
    If you have a problem with the system then tear it down, but don't tear down someone else who is caught up in it.
    Preventative laws should be used sparingly in any intelligent society, otherwise I will be able to say whether or not someone in oregon can smoke a plant that he grew. Why the fuck would I care? Laws should be swifter and stronger for people who hurt others directly or indirectly. But you can't prevent someone from doing something by making it illegal.


  15. Anonymous13/3/09 20:56

    I still don't think it is Puritanical. Number one, my perspective on this issue is secular it doesn't have anything to do with religion or even my personal morals. It has to do with the fact that most teens are not ready to handle the possible negatives. Even you have said that you will be extra strict on your daughter. Why is that? Because you want to protect her, and that isn't being controlling or puritanical. I can promise this, you may disagree with my view.....but, when your daughter is 15/16 yrs old and "if"she gives me any indications that she is starting to want to become "active" I will encourage her to wait until she is a bit older. Not only would I encourage her to wait, I would inform you and Laura what she told me so you two could hopefully step in to help guide her into making a better choice.
    I have a feeling, that you wouldn't want me to high five her and say "atta girl".

    I know that abstinence programs don't work, this isn't about that at all.
    It doesn't matter if the boy came on to her, she is the "adult" and teacher. It was her obligation to tell him "No".If she was fugly and couldn't get any from someone her own age then she could order an adult toy. Not only would it be no muss, no also wouldn't have been illegal.

    I don't think that encouraging someone to wait until they are a little older to have sex is a bad thing. It has ( at least not to me) nothing to do with stigmas or damaged goods.

    I'm not sure what your view of Preventative laws are...I am meaning that I am glad there are laws against child abuse, murder, etc. If someone in Oregon wants to smoke it up, that should be their choice.

    Oh, and I meant to mention something earlier. You said that you could see how a young girl may suffer self esteem issues if she was involved with an older man. But, really....somebody could argue against that.
    An older man is going to be more experienced than some young boy, therefore the girl comes away with a more positive experience.
    It could be another way to look at the issue, but THAT wouldn't hold up in court.

    What probably bothers me the most, is that it is considered "trendy" to be a pregnant teen. I look at these girls and think "wow, womens liberation didn't do a damn thing for them".