Thursday, June 04, 2009

Domestic Violence - What to do?

Anyone in Knoxville has heard the tale of domestic violence gone horribly wrong in the last week. It has been all over the news. Here's just one of the many articles.
I grew up in a abusive household. It's the same story that you have heard all over the world: Abusive step-father, alcohol, beatings for everyone...I won't even bore you with the details. It is where I learned that I would rather fight for someone else than for myself. I did it on 2 occasions, once was defending my sister when I was 10 and the other was when I pulled out a Buck 110 from my back pocket and made him leave the house forever. I knew then I was a wolfhound.
My mom would keep going back to him or let him come back and it finally had gone as far as it could without someone dying. It sounds like it was the same, but worse, for the Webbs. I still haven't forgiven her for that, but that's another story.
I'm a lot older now and have learned a few things. Hopefully this article reaches one person and helps them out. Spread it around and it may save someone's life.

1. Call the cops. Call the cops. Call the cops. I can't stress that enough.
2. Listen to what everyone in your life is telling you. Most likely your judgement is in "fight or flight" mode and is impaired. Talk it over with your family and friends. They will steer you right and have a clear sight of what is best.
3. Violent tendencies are all about impulse control. Sometimes it is even from damage to the frontal lobe. Violence has also been learned over a lifetime. Either way it cannot be fixed. You cannot fix it. Love cannot fix it. If you see signs of violent tendencies walk away. It is not worth your life or someone else's to stick around. I person cannot "stop" being violent.
4. If you have kids, take what I say and multiply it times 1,000. Do whatever it takes to protect them. Worry about feelings later. Feelings heal a lot faster than death.
5. There are safe havens in almost any city that will protect you, while you get a game plan.
6. When you do get an Order of Protection, obey it. Do not contact the other party, do not hurl insults. Do not drive by to see what they are doing.
7. Never tell the other party what you "plan" to do. It may piss them off, it will let them defend against whatever your plans are.
8. You are not alone. This is not the end of the world. You will find someone else.
9 If you get stuck call for help (see number 1)

Here are some statistics from

Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.
In a 1995-1996 study conducted in the 50 States and the District of Columbia, nearly 25% of women and 7.6% of men were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime (based on survey of 16,000 participants, equally male and female).
In 2000, 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years, an intimate partner killed approximately 33% of female murder victims and 4% of male murder victims.
Access to firearms yields a more than five-fold increase in risk of intimate partner homicide when considering other factors of abuse, according to a recent study, suggesting that abusers who possess guns tend to inflict the most severe abuse on their partners.

It's actually worse as these numbers are from an older, but reliable study.



  1. You make a ton of good points. Sadly, I don't think that domestic violence will ever end. Kind of strange, how it is called "domestic" because if anything beating on a wife or husband is a far cry from a domesticated lifestyle. It is barbaric. That is what is should be called, barbaric violence.

    However, as long as there are women who are afraid to be "without their man" and as long as there are men who are totally pussy whipped ( and yes, I realize that there is gay domestic violence as well but I am trying to keep it simple) then this issue will continue. And unfortunately, the kids are the ones who suffer the most.

  2. awesome list...I'm doing a lot of thinking rigt now.