Sunday, March 27, 2011

Lost Son

It has been over a month since B has come around. He is having good enough times I suppose. It started with an argument over his grades and inability to be where he is supposed to be. I more or less told him that if he wanted to use our house as a fuck-pad with his GF that he was going to have to be a little respectful and gracious about it. No more showing up for sex and then leaving. There are other issues for sure, but that was the straw on the camel's back as it were.
I had even asked him to just spend some time with his little sister. Not a lot, just a little for her. She adores him. Or, I should say she did adore him. She no longer asks for him. He is a distant memory for her now. Young children have such a selective memory, and he does not fit into the everyday items that are flooding her brain right now.
That makes me sad. He will never be a large part of her life anyway due to the differences in their ages. I wish he could have been while they were still young and living in the same house.
It has been asked of me several times to "be the man" and "be the adult" and just call him and make up. I understand that and I understand what I am risking by not doing that. But, I am making a conscious decision to be the only one in his life to let him sleep in the beds he makes. His grades have been horrible, he goes anywhere he wants with whoever he wants. He has been caught smoking, dabbling with MJ and drinking. None of that is wrong per se, but who is going to set the limitations on how much is enough? No one else.
His mother is a fine mother when it comes to feeding and making sure that he has a stock of Little Debbies and coke. She is a fine mother about making sure the clothes are cleaned and that he gets to school on time. I'm not here to disparage her and say that she is a terrible mother. She's not. But she has allowed an environment of entitlement and lack of consequences. She's not the only one; the grandparents have not made it easy either.
I relinquished much of my control over him years ago in a moment of weakness. I realize this is a point-of-view issue. I realize that, but I also have to think that I am doing what I think is right. Consciously.
This is why I have to be the one who makes sure that he sticks to his word and that he holds up his end of any bargains made. No one else does. Unfortunately it has created a rift between B and I. I don't think this rift is irreparable. Better said, I hope that this rift is not irreparable, but one is never sure. It's a shame too, he used to be my best friend.
So my goal is to let him fly out of this nest now, but to be there when and if he falls. But, that means that I have to let him fall, which is not an easy thing for a parent to do. I must. More harm can be done now by allowing the entitlement and lack of consequences to continue.
So here I sit.

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