Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tennessee's New Sciences

  • Intelligent Falling - Gravity was made up by the intellectual bullies. It's really the devil dragging you down.
  • Intelligent Light - That glowing ball of gas in the sky we called the sun. Yeah, it's the St Peter's gate. Move along citizen.
  • Intelligent Gas Combustible Engines - Make your car go-go-go with the power of Trinity Juice. Gas is no longer needed in Tennessee!
  • Intelligent Human Reproduction - Only approved if done in the presence of a deacon.
  • Intelligent Computer Sciences - Wireless transmissions are of the debil! Connect your computers up with the Tennessee Government approved "Baby Jebus Network" which utilizes the holy hair.
  • Intelligent Virology - God wants you to die, otherwise microscopic demons would not enter you.
  • Intelligent Pediatrics - Newborns are born into sin, let them die as well. All is good in the Kingdom.
  • Intelligent Psychology - Burn the Witches! They're in your mind stealing your thoughts!
  • Intelligent Mechanical Engineering - Learn to build a Skyscraper out of toothpicks and his good grace; what could go wrong? 
  • Intelligent Anthropology - Not Approved.
  • Intelligent Chemistry - Learn how to make humble cloth without mixing it or the right recipe for bread.
  • Intelligent Math - Learn how to divide your sons into the bad ones and the ones that really obey. The rest just works itself out in the end, with a nifty coat or stone.
  • Intelligent Geography - Steal land, divide water.
  • Intelligent Animal Husbandry - Which female should I rape and then claim in marriage?

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